100 Days to being a quarter of a century old…

Today is the 100th day until I turn 25 years old on the 15th of August, 2017.  The feeling of impending doom looms about as I struggle to come to terms with the idea that I am going to reach a quarter of a century within this time frame.

Being a 25 year old in a society that is milestone-orientated I am supposed to have reached an arbitrary milestone by now.  A milestone that entails the attainment of an undergraduate degree from a university, a stable relationship with a human or a successful career in a chosen field or both. This standard is unwritten and unspoken yet I feel it completely burdening me.

I have reached none of the requirements and I have yet to decided whether I want to pursue it or not. Conform to the ideal standards or remain as I am. But is this really who I am? A 25 year old university student who has taken nearly 8 years to complete one undergrad degree. In my defence, as a 17 year old wide-eyed first year university student at Otago University I had huge dreams and aspirations. I dreamt of studying medicine and returning to my home country of Tonga as a qualified doctor ready to diagnose and treat all ailments and diseases. This dream has never left me and I still dream of making such a difference for my home country but for now, I need to work on myself.

At 17 years of age I tried to get into med school at Otago, that didn’t work out. At 19 years old, I tried to get into med school at Auckland University, that worked out. But I withdrew from the programme when I was 23. So here I am, at the School of Population Health, completing my final year of a Bachelors of Health Science Degree.

I do not know about the experiences of most almost-25 year old’s out there, but I do know mine. I have struggled to accept the time-limits imposed on my personal, mental and physical growth as a sentient being. I struggle to reach these milestones successfully. And I tend to victim-blame, myself being the victim (it’s no fun, not recommended). I tend to question my self-worth and how capable I am as a human being in living. That is utterly depressing. But it’s true and I have accepted that I feel this way.

However, I wish to ask all almost-25 year olds out there, are you feeling the same feelings of impending doom as you etch closer and closer to the big TFB (twenty fifth birthday). Or is it just me, imposing societal standards of age and age milestones on myself…


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Ofa Ketuu says:

    Its mum heilala. Heilala I want to share that you are where you are today because of how you have accepted the journey God has allowed you to walk through in the last 24.8 years of your life. He has checked every possible paths and made a very well thought out decision that this is the best path for you which you have just nicely outlined. For you, God is standing there and asking that if you appreciate, accept and embrace then you are certainly 25 and ready to move on. Embrace your past and vision your future. All I can say as mum you are a much more matured, settled and grown up young lady. You are certainly ready for your 25 and to do great things with the gift God has given you over the last 24 years. Embrace all the milestones you have gone through. Its not a failure in God’s eye but they are milestones that you need to just understand what it means for you. Love you always and will always behind you in ALL your milestones.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ofa Ketuu says:

    Great story to tell my dear. Hope you have also woken up and check if Afu is ok. love love love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. leasylvia says:

      Thanks Mum for your undying support. I’m not quite where Afu is lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ofa Ketuu says:

    I shared your story with Gloria Mathenge and this is what she wrote back to me……It’s amazing how I can totally relate to her thoughts. What stands out for me is that often we never see the beauty in ourselves and how easily the world’s standards move us to believing that we have to all walk similar paths. The fact that she writes and reaches out to other young people, sharing her experience-in such an open and genuine way is already an indication of where and how God wants to use her and is already using her.

    I see a young brilliant woman who knows who she is, where she is in life and who is keeping a record of her milestones because she will need them to encourage others in the future. Many young people (including myself) feel this way but never get the courage to share their experiences with others. Reading her note made me feel so encouraged, and reassured that while I see weakness in myself, the Lord sees his purposes fulfilled and it is through our weaknesses that he is most glorified.

    Everything that the Lord lays in our way is for a purpose and plan.

    Liked by 1 person

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